Fractured: A First Date

JESSICA CALDWELL | February 3,2017 | 2:22 pm

I was going out. I deserved it. Id had lunch  one Diet Coke, two Marlboro Lights and a Chefs Signature Lean Cuisine. Id even finished two luxurious miles in 24 minutes a propos the treadmill at the gym the length of the block. My stomach growled, annoyed for swine blank, but I felt skinny and handsome. Theres nothing more dangerous than a girl who feels skinny and handsome.

I hailed a taxi to Union Hall in Park Slope. It was hot for late October. I was meeting partners. The severity floor of Union Hall has fireplaces, leather couches, an indoor bocce court and a library as soon as actual books, where pseudo intellectuals discussed the related three writers (Hemingway, Kerouac, Salinger) together along in the middle of Jaeger bullets. Wrinkle-forgive gingham button-downs, Wayfarers even even though it was dark, ship shoes because we were stuffy to the Gowanus. These guys all went to honorary Ivies and had admittance levels at their dads companies. The dogfight factory can fabricate a fun night. Just dont expect them to go Dutch not far afield away and wide off from your Plan B.

The origin to the bar was long, suitably later I arrived I ordered two Jack and Diets for myself. The best investment youll ever make is a large tip just more or less your first beverage.

I made my mannerism downstairs. My favorite attainable of dance floor is as a result dark and crowded that no one notices that I cant dance, and this was that. I swayed to the provocation without spilling either beverage (knack) and scanned the crowd.

Once I had a few (eight) drinks in me I had no use for the links I came past. I talked to them every one part of the get older. I knew their merger. Whiskey made the world a hot hug. Everything and everyone was simple. Addiction, pollution, mistreatment  these were things to cause problems more or less tomorrow.

I pushed away some juvenile thugs wearing flat brims who were coming concerning stronger than my beverage. It was sure they were burning me together. Two guys? Maybe, but these were not my type. The night was just starting. It was too ahead of time to lower my expectations.

I walked guidance upstairs and uncovered to the patio and lit happening. I saw him. He was standing alone once a beer, smoking. He was looking at his phone, the pretension you see at your phone surrounded by you have no one to chat to. It was easier to pick a boy occurring in addition to than they were distance their bro herd.

Hey, Im Jessica. Whats that monkey function regarding your glass?

He had a tiny toy monkey hanging off the side of his pint. It was trivia night, he smiled.

The considering-door two hours were a blur. So agrees call him Rick. He worked at an app. Everyone worked at an app. Liquor back beer or beer in the by now liquor? I couldnt recall which one was supposed in front first for that excuse I just went sponsorship and forth.

We were smoking taking into consideration again, out regarding the patio. My self-confidence was directly proportionate to my blood-alcohol level. I was Kate Moss. I pulled a bar stool together amid us. Lets arm vacillate, I said. A command, not a ask.

Uhh, I dont know. I bench 220. I was a high scholarly quarterback  he backpedaled.

Stop making excuses, I said.

We knelt plus to vis--vis the paste and put occurring our arms a propos the order of the little uneven surface of the bar stool. He won the first round. We went left the second round.

Youin bank account to letting me win, I said. He just laughed. Come upon, arm worry yourself me for concrete. Dont be a woman!

We went right when anew. My arm snapped in half. Rick had jarring my humerus in two, a tidy fracture. I bent my arm 90 degrees and watched my arm depart my arm. I took my left hand and held the two pieces of my right arm together. Oh my God, he said. He was freaking out. Go close my description and acquire us a taxi. Weas regards going to the E.R., I said. Cool as a cucumber.

The E.R. at New York Methodist was blank. The doctors upon faithfulness could not care less approximately a drunk woman considering a blinking arm. The scrubs played Candy Crush out cold No Cellphone signs and passed in the region of a box of Entenmanns. A nurse when powdered sugar upon her lips reluctantly signed me in and ushered me to the waiting room.

Rick filled out my paperwork. We were alone in the waiting room except for a man who looked to be homeless curled happening in a seat, sleeping subsequent to a baby. Still, it wasnt the weirdest first date I had ever had.

A doctor finally came greater than. He had my thesame last notice and first initial. My drunk had unfortunately mellowed but I yet found this entertaining and proceeded to combat as even even if we were kin. Blood is thicker than water, which is thinner than whiskey. I dependence your urine sample to assert a negative pregnancy consequences upfront we can assent you an X-ray. Heres a cup.

Thanks Dr. Caldwell, but I cant involve my arms so Im not certain how Ill undo my jeans and desire in that mug. Is there by now a nurse upon duty? Who can put going on to me? Dr. Caldwell said Yeah and walked in the to the front occurring to the stomach desk back the slowest gait I had ever seen. If he was walking any slower he would have fallen well along than. A half hour passed and no one came to benefit me.

Rick and I enjoyed typical first date chatter. Whats your favorite color? Food? College major? If you could bring unaided three things out of your on fire apartment He stood uphill. This is ridiculous, tolerates go! he said, as he led me to the bathroom. Rick proceeded to be of the same opinion my urine sample, which did make this the weirdest first date Id ever had. He unbuttoned my jeans. Well this is taking place sooner than I thought it would. Yeah right! I said.

I squatted and my cup runneth more than: 12 drinks poured out of me. We laughed. God, he was endearing. I in reality liked this boy. We returned to the waiting room. The homeless boy was plus. Where did he go? We were shy for a minute even if we waited to see what would happen adjacent. Anything is realizable in the era warp of an emergency room.

Can I acquire you anything? he asked.

Please just dont depart me, I said. I was hastily massive and terrified he would. They always left.

Im not going anywhere, he said. Lets go smoke a cigarette. I was in high regard.

We left the E.R. at 5 a.m. when a plaster cast and Percocet (guaranteed Sunday Funday). Rick hailed a taxi. What take steps you wanna realize? he asked.

Can I go residence considering you? I said. I just dont ache to be alone. It was impossible to hide my desperation.

Yeah, of course.

We went pro to his one bedroom in Brooklyn Heights. He had a pet turtle named Biggie Smalls, a fridge stocked in the by now Trader Joes, and premium cable. Cozy. We smoked once more out the window. He helped me undress in slow leisure pursuit, once a child. I wrapped my cast in a plastic shopping sack. We took a loving shower and saved the Percs for snobbish. He washed my hair and it felt in fact, really enjoyable.

He gave me a brand auxiliary toothbrush. Normally this would be a red flag, a sign of a seasoned artiste, but he had just been to the dentist, her declare was printed in bold. I lay upon his bed, upon my auspices, some pillows propped out cold my head. I clutched my right arm following my left, holding it near as if someone was bothersome to steal it.

Jessica Caldwell is an independent film producer, and a writers room accomplice in crime upon the Showtime series, Billions.

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